The Strange And The Funny....

THE STRANGE:

I did a double take the other day. We got the book of coupons from BJ's in the mail, so of course I was leafing through it to see if I could save $5 when I buy $100 worth of toothpaste or something idiotic like that...and I came across this:

I wasn't able to crop the photo but hopefully you can see the odd thing on this page is "personal watermelons".....huh? They realize this is going to make people go "Huh?" so they have a helpful photo of a "2 ct." package with 2 watermelons in it. I just don't see what the point is in having personal watermelons...it's hard to tell the size - maybe they are the size of an orange...all I can think is these were grown for really selfish people who can't eat a whole big watermelon and don't want to share it.

THE FUNNY:

OK, next I am going to tell you two stories, both true, both might make you cringe a little bit because they are a little gross, and both situations will require some time to pass before they are seen as funny.
The first involves me and my daughter. She recently got her period and it's still all new to her. I sometimes will try to impart a bit of wisdom on the subject to her, but she just tells me to stop talking - it is not a subject she will discuss freely. I have made a point of making sure she knows to dispose of her sanitary items by wrapping them in toilet paper and throwing in the trash in the bathroom. This is common sense. Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and stumbled to the bathroom. I didn't turn the light on (strike one) and I didn't have my glasses (strike two). After doing my business I had to blow my nose and the tissues are on a little table right in front of the toilet. When I grabbed for a tissue, it seemed like I had grabbed a bunch of them so I tried to shake out just one tissue, so as not to be wasteful, of course, and I saw something fall to the floor. As soon as it happened I realized I wasn't holding tissues in my hand...when I told my daughter this story I couldn't even get to the part where I was angry because she was laughing so hard.
The second story involves the family of my friend. It was when her niece was younger and still living with her Mom and Dad. No one was home and she and her boyfriend were in her bedroom having sex when she heard her mother come home. She immediately got up and started getting dressed...at the same time he whipped off the condom they had been using and also got dressed. Her Mother kind of figured out what had been going on and was trying to call her bluff on it, but she denied they were having sex; she kept insisting that's not what they were doing. The whole time both she and her boyfriend couldn't find the condom he had quickly thrown somewhere....that is until the dog came walking out with it stuck to his fur! Yes I can laugh because it's not my daughter!