"Manswers" - Volume I

I thought I had mentioned this show before, but I can't be certain, so I'm going to call this volume 1. Last night while I was helping my 8 year old genius with her homework (ok, even geniuses need help sometimes!), Mike yells from the living room, "Hey Hon, you ever hear of that show called "Manswers"?" I gave him the, "Only every time you watch it" look. He excitedly tells me that the current topic on the show is.....this is good......Can I Freeze My Fart and Smell It Later? Not kidding. I don't know what disturbed me more, the topic itself, or that Mike really seemed excited to get to the bottom of this age-old question!
Who thinks of these things?



And for all the men out there waiting......I do not know the answer...sorry!

Hanging On To Summer

I really don't have much of a green thumb - just ask anyone, so when I have luck with something, I just have to show it off. If anyone can tell me what this flower is, great! I went nuts in the Spring planting all kinds of seeds - my idea of planting is pushing aside some dirt, throwing the seeds in, covering them up and then checking every 5 minutes to see if anything is happening. Well, this flower popped up mid-summer, just one of them and I love it (so if it's really a weed, please humor me and tell me it's something fancy!). We have these other yellow flowers growing and I was all excited until Mike told me they were weeds...I still think they are from some seeds I threw on the ground.

Shirt-Wearing Dog

I guess I forgot to mention anything about the fact that my dog, Sasha, is wearing a girls shirt in the photo of one of my last posts. Actually it's pajama tops and Bethany thought it would like just right on Sasha so we tried it out. I'm thinking not so much...can't say she minded it though!

Zu-ma, Zu-ma, Zu-ma

I just got 558,360 for levels 5-9 on Zuma...my highest score EH-VER! Just thought you'd like to know how I just wasted my time when I really have a million other things I should be doing. Sshhh....don't tell anyone!

I Feel Like We Live In A Barn....

Everyone likes animal pics so I thought I would introduce all my pets....well you've already met Big Fat Froggy in one of my last posts....This is Sasha, one of our Boxer's, although you can see part of Sheba, her sister, in the photo. I specifically chose this photo so you could see that she has a feakishly long tongue. When she falls asleep we try to see how far we can pull it out of her mouth. I think 6 feet is the record so far.

The first photo is titled, "Annoyed Cat". Ashes is 13 years old and just when we think she's not doing so well, I think she hears us secretly celebrating a time with no cat fur balls floating about the house, and she bounces back. She does get annoyed easily, though. Mostly due to the fact that our 2 dogs, Sasha and Sheba are constantly taunting her. They don't attack her much anymore...I think since she doesn't move much anymore it's not a challenge for them. She should've tried that years ago!

The next photo is Squirmin' Herman! Isn't he great? I do love turtles...always have. In another month he'll be hibernating..which means he'll pretty much stop eating and he'll just sit on his floating rock until about February or March. From March until now, he swims much of the time and eats a lot. In the photo he is sunning himself under his heat lamp and he stretches all his limbs out. There are 2 fish that live in the tank with him (Cindy and Sunrise, I think?)...we did originally get them to see if Herman would eat them, but he didn't and now they are both quite big and sometimes even eat Herman's food. That makes him a grumpy turtle but not much he can do about it!

The World According to Ike

"The National Weather Service is issuing a mandatory evacuation or face certain death"
"Nah, I'll hang out with my shotgun and protect my neighborhood. I'm good, thanks anyway"
*****100 mile an hour winds, 15 foot surge in water levels, houses break apart....and Ike hasn't even made landfall yet*****************
"Uh, hello, officer? Remember when you said we should evacuate but I wanted to stay?
"Yeah"
"Well, I changed my mind. Ike's still a few hours away and I'd like to be rescued now. Thanks."
"Sorry, there's nothing we can do until the storm is over. Then, of course, we have to wait until we can access the area you are in. Hope you survive. Have a good night!"

I hope everyone else sees these people for the idiots they are. I'm sorry, if they say mandatory evacuation, no one should be left. Even if they don't know what that means, I think when I heard "certain death" I would definitely know it was time to hit the road. What a waste of all those first responders time and energy. I really don't like stupid people. I just read an online article that had interviews with person after person saying "I don't know what I'm going to do, I have nothing left"....well if you had planned ahead like they told you to, you'd be in a much better place right now. Sorry, no tolerance for stupid people....unless it happens to be me :)

Old Habits Never Die

Have you ever been so addicted to a video game that you just can't get enough? I'm like that with Zuma...I know, I know, I'm an adult...I should be past the whole video game thing, right? My husband actually bought it for me a few years back b/c I was playing it all the time on one of those free sites - but it only came up on a little screen and it definitely didn't have all the bells and whistles the "real" game has. I can be sitting here at the computer, going through my emails, thinking to myself "You really need to do the bills" or "You had a great idea earlier for a blog, get blogging!" So I'll shut down my email and there it is. Right on my desktop....the Zuma icon. I have played it so much that I have picked my favorite levels (5-9) and I just play those levels and try to beat my own high score total for those levels (545,000). Then while I'm playing I keep thinking "I really should be blogging or doing bills" b/c I feel guilty that I'm doing something mindless! Then I'll be right in the middle of racking up the points and my daughter will start calling me, whining about something and my reaction is "Are you kidding? I'm right about to get the slowdown ball and another coin!" OK, maybe I have a problem.

I can remember when my family got that first "video game" and all you could play was "pong" hitting the ball b/w 2 "paddles"....then we got Atari and that was cool...me and my brother played all the time. This was when I was in middle school and at the same time we used to hang out at the roller rink every Friday night and I was the "Ms. PacMan" queen. Then when we were in high school my brother got the first version of Nintendo and really the only thing I remember about it was Tetris. One night me and him sat on his bed playing Tetris until we couldn't see anymore. That's when we realized it was 4am and it was a school day. That kind of sucked...but I've always had a soft spot for the video games....funny now I really try to limit my own kids game time....I guess like all parents we want our kids to turn out better than ourselves!

In Memory Of....

I hope everyone can take a moment today to reflect on their lives and be thankful for what they have in light of the 7th anniversary of 9-11.

I know I will...

Team Brady, Lance Wannabestrong and One Historical Election...

OK people, wake up, I have some ground to cover here and I'm going to try to do it quickly....

I thought the name of the team was The New England Patriots, not The New England Brady's? Has no one heard the phrase "there is no "i" in team"? Living so close to Foxboro stadium - about 15 minutes - of course we are fans of the team, but the local media has been inundated with story after story of how will the team go on without Tom Brady, what will the team do without Tom Brady? Guess what, they will play football b/c that's what they are paid to do and for God's sake, lets give the rest of the team a little credit and have some faith in them! One fan being interviewed on local TV said it best, "In Belichick we trust"....and that sums up my feelings on this matter. (OK so maybe there is the small matter of us women losing our Sunday afternoon "eye candy" that makes it all worth while to sit there with our husbands and watch the game...)

Moving right along....news reports have been coming out about Lance Armstrong returning to bike the Tour de France once again. My feeling is, Lance, please stay home. It kind of bothers me when these big star athletes retire in a blaze of glory and then a while later want to return to the sport. I feel like they just weren't getting enough attention as "Joe Citizen" so they try to get back into the spotlight - they are attention hogs. You had your time to shine, why not let others have their time to shine now. If Lance really wants to get back into biking so bad, why not participate in all kinds of charity bike a thons...like the Pan Mass Challenge and I'm sure there are many others. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to belittle the wonderful things Lance has done for charity - but I think that's where he should continue. Let someone else have a turn in the spotlight.

OK, I have largely stayed away from voicing any opinions on politics for a good reason. Although I have a feeling this reason is really old fashioned and no one thinks this way anymore b/c I stated this reason the other day at work and a few people gave me that Santa Claus look again - they can't believe someone who thinks like me actually exists. I was brought up that there were 3 things you didn't discuss at work: politics, your pay and religion. I have, for the most part, stayed true to this - if I have discussed any of these topics, it's in general statements and most of the time nothing specific to myself. I have found many times I keep this rule outside of work as well.

Anyway, I am going to say that I thought by this point I would know who I was going to vote for, but I am so on the fence at this point I am really going to try to pay attention when they have debates. I do largely feel that during a campaign ALL the candidates say what they think you want to hear. They all make promises they won't keep and try to discredit their opponents. I feel like it's really hard to pick a candidate before seeing debates - seeing them in action, so to speak.

Regardless of who wins this election, do you realize that we are going to be witness to one of the most historical elections EVER!???? We are either going to have our first African American President or our first woman in the white house! Holy Moly, that's amazing - I mean this will be in text books! At least until they decide in the future that isn't really who won the election and they start changing or deleting history out of textbooks......

Big Fat Froggy....

I thought I would introduce you to "Big Fat Froggy" as we affectionately call him. He lives in our little flower bed by the deck and every year I always look forward to the first "Big Fat Froggy" sighting. Of course I have no idea if it's really the same frog we see each season, but I like to think that it is and he keeps coming back b/c he has become accustomed to being called "Big Fat Froggy" and his friends in the frog world just laugh at the name and continue to call him Fred. I think I had too much coffee today....

I Can Die Happy Now....

I'm sure you have heard about it...everyone's talking about it...it's all over the internet....I couldn't blog last night b/c I had to be sitting right in front of the TV the moment Britney Spears made her comeback appearance on MTV's VMA Awards show! OK, so maybe it isn't really the biggest news of the day and I hadn't planned on watching it, but I happened to be in front of the TV at 9pm. Even more miraculous is I happened to somehow have control of the TV remote - this was a celebratory moment in itself! So I figured I would take a peek...Britney came on and basically announced the beginning of the show - she looked tentative, scared almost...like her every move was being thought about before taken....then I fell asleep! I'm such a rebel....

Now, For The Rest of The Story....

When I was younger there used to be an AM radio station that had a talk radio show that ended with..."and that's the rest of the story"...or maybe the guy said it at the beginning, but it was the shows catch phrase. Not sure why I remembered that b/c back then talk radio seemed less enjoyable than sticking needles in my eyes, but whatever....

I thought since I sometimes comment on newsy stories that I should update you on them...not sure why, but I was feeling this twinge of obligation today....I feel bad saying "people are dying, it's awful" and then just forgetting about it. So this will be quick and painless, I promise...

Girls from NJ stuck in Georgia...well lo and behold while I was busy dealing with my measly kidney stone crap, their Dad went to the country of Georgia and most likely b/c of the worldwide attention their story got, some diplomat helped them get through Russian check points and on Aug. 21st they were reunited with their Dad and were going to be flying home shortly after. Read more here:http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6330483

Zimbabwe: still a mess...and the people of Zimbabwe are the ones losing out. I did read that Canada has joined the US and the EU in imposing sanctions against Zimbabwe - I'm sure there are many others on this bandwagon as well...

Twilight Series Books: I won't try to pretend, I don't remember what I said about it before - I think this an amazing book series...maybe it's just the sexual tension that resonates through every chapter as it takes you back to that first-love feeling....anyway I have been so caught up in my post Breaking Dawn depression since I was under the impression that the series was over, never again to have my thirst for Ms. Meyers writing satisfied again, that I have missed Stuff happening. I guess there was (is?) supposed to be a 5th book and she had already started writing it but the rough draft was leaked to the internet, which really pissed her off so she posted it to her own website and now she no longer feels like writing the book and it's on hold indefinitely! Wow...that was a really long sentence...that's what happens when I have a Mocha Swirl iced latte....so briefly I was excited to learn about the 5th book, but now sad that it may never be finished. I'm not sure if I want to read the rough draft or not.

Columbian Hostages: I got nothin'...sorry, I googled it and it's all old stuff.

Pregnant Man: Thomas Beatie made headlines earlier this year supposedly as the first man to be pregnant...but really he's a woman living as a man - he kept his female reproductive organs so I say he's a woman...anyway, she gave birth to a little girl and I was just reading a web article that goes on and on about how he used to be a man and the birth went fine and they saw a nurse walking out with a baby carrier, etc. etc. pretty normal stuff, right? Then right at the end they throw in this last paragraph,

"Beatie was impregnated with sperm from a donor. His wife, Nancy, inseminated him at home with a device she said was like a syringe without the needle. They bought it from a veterinarian and it is typically used to feed birds. "

What? Used to feed birds? Oh, what the hell...sperm, bird seed, what's the difference, right? That fact just seemed really odd and irrelevant to the story....

Hurricanes: Well as I said before....ha! that was a test to see if you were paying attention...I have yet to mention any of the hurricanes. I can hear Hanna outside right now and from what I hear Ike is making quite the devastating trail. Josephine petered out without affecting anyone. Just in case you were interested.

Olympics: I still want one of those light wheel bikes from the closing ceremonies. I think I have a slight insight into the mind of the typical man. They always want every power tool that comes along and they think about it all the time - the latest and greatest gadgets..they talk about it, whine about....then they finally get it....and just stand around and look at it. They even talk about all the things they are going to make with it...but it just sits and the story ends there. I have a feeling that would happen if I ever got one of those bikes....I would chew your ear off about how great it would be to have one, everyone would want to be me, etc. etc....then I would have people over just to oogle at it and I would just be happy that people would be jealous of my light wheel bike. Shut up, it could happen! Anywho, I emailed the Olympic committee to find out if they are for sale and how much they cost....I'll keep you posted.

OK boys and girls, bedtime for bonzo...I'm outta here...

End of Summer Means Hassles

Everyone knows that Labor Day signals the end of summer, back to school, no more fun, blah, blah, blah. Labor Day means a lot more to anyone with a pool....hassles. The opening and closing of one's pool is exactly like putting up and taking down your Christmas tree. It's a pain in the ass to drag everything out, get everything all organized, spouses fight about how to do everything the right way....but you know once you get past the hassle, it will be worth the effort and quite enjoyable. There's always the question of when to put up your tree; you don't want to put it up too early, but you don't want to be too late either. Same with a pool; when to open it. Too early and the water won't be warm for a week or two; too late and you may miss some nice warm days to enjoy it.

Now once the Holiday season is over, how long do you wait before you take the tree down? Too early and all the work to get it up doesn't seem worth it, but too late and people start to wonder about your "obsession" with the Holidays. Once Labor Day hits, you start the guessing game of when to close the pool. We have made the mistake of closing it on Labor Day weekend and it always seems we have some very hot days right after Labor Day and you kick yourself for not having waited. On the other end, we have waited until late Sept and then had stormy weekends and were unable to close it until October - very bad since by then you are guaranteed to have a pool full of tree limbs, leaves and pine needles. And the you get the same "Ugh, I really don't feel like spending my day doing this" kind of feeling when you think of taking a tree down and closing a pool. It really does take up most of your day and usually spouses will again be arguing over when to put the chemicals in and who is going to stay up late to add the last dose b/c you started too late in the day and you have to wait 3 hours after you added the last chemicals. Then to get the pool cover on is quite a feat in itself! We always have those blown up pillow thingys that you have to tie to the sides of the pool to try to keep them in place, but they almost always pop during winter. My husband always rigs up some kind of rope and pulley system to get the cover on "smoothly" but something always goes wrong. Kind of like the roadrunner....every year he tries to rig up something different to get the cover on the pool easily and it never seems to work the way he wants it to.

So while we are dealing with back to school week this week, in the back of our minds we are trying to figure out when the last use of the pool will be.

Kidney Stones, Part Deux

I wasn't going to talk about this, but the people I have mentioned it to seem to think it's funny, but also think I might be more disturbed than they originally suspected.

As you know I've been dealing with kidney stones - 5 weeks and counting. Last Thursday I was very sick, in pain and the room wouldn't stop spinning. Since I'd had surgery and should have been getting better, not worse, my urologist sent me to the ER.

Me going to the ER is difficult for 2 reasons: $100 copay and the hospital my doctor is affiliated with is not the most prominent in the area (read: not the most up to date) so I never know what I'm in for.

First, I get put into a large room with a nice bed...but they put me in a second bed that is shoved against the wall under some cabinets, like it was an afterthought. They pull a curtain b/w the 2 beds but minutes later the curtain might as well be invisible as I listen to the whole family of a woman brought in by ambulance. Not only do nurses and doctors walk over to my side and literally reach over me to get stuff out of the cabinets, but the other woman's husband is leaning against the wall facing the two beds and I almost feel obligated to start a conversation with him. This woman is brought in b/c she "tripped" down some metal stairs (have you ever seen metal stairs...anywhere?) and now her sister, husband, etc. have gathered around to pray for her blood to heal her and let her know that everything is going to be OK. Not joking, her sister went on and on about Jesus coming down to heal her blood. In between the woman telling the nurse all the anti-depressant medication she is currently on.

So while I'm helping the nurse get something out of the cabinets so she doesn't have to reach over me, yet again, I notice that the other woman's sister is quite large. I can be quite sure of this b/c I noticed the strain of the chair (from under the curtain I can see the bottom of the chair and her feet) when she sat down and I can see her feet. She is wearing Teva style water sandals that have not stood the test of time well. Now, the other woman is getting all kinds of attention and I have been forgotten about so I decided I needed to amuse myself while I was there. That's when I got a good look at one of the sister's feet. There, right next to the big toe, was what I can only describe as a "snaggle toe"....this toe was an inch longer than anything else on her foot and lets just say it wasn't well cared for. So I slowly pulled out my cell phone and whenever the husband moved so he couldn't see me, I used my cell phone camera to try to get a photo of the "snaggle toe". I thought it would be funny to put the photo on my blog. I coughed whenever I took a photo to mask the sound and I pretended to be texting whenever the husband looked my way. I'm really sad to say that the sister apparently drinks a lot of caffeine b/c I never was able to capture a photo of snaggle toe! Oh well, it did pass the time....

Back in the Saddle....

Ok, Ok...so I've been absent for a little while. My friends Linda and Rick guilted me into getting "back into the saddle" per se. I really do have a good reason, though, honest. Kidney stones (said in the same voice Seinfeld uses to say "Newman"). Have you ever dealt with these tiny meteors of unrelenting punishment? Ah yes, let me take you back some 9 years ago when I was 8 mos pregnant with my second child. I thought I was in labor...felt like labor...it wasn't until the ER nurse made me realize it was all on one side that we all had that "a-ha" moment that it couldn't be labor. As she so astutely put it "Labor doesn't pick a side, honey". Thus I was born into the world of kidney stones. For those not "in the know" about kidney stones, these are small, rock-like formations that grow in your kidneys. They can be small like the size of gravel up to much larger ones - I think I remember hearing of someone who had one the size of a golf ball! Ouch!

Anywho, you generally get a cat scan and the doctor can tell you the size of the stone. Anything 7mm or larger I believe, you are physically unable to pass - it will block your kidney...which obviously is very bad. Duh. So I've had about 6-7 kidney stone incidents, but always fairly small ones that would pass on their own and I get an excuse to dip into my pain med stash. Well, in late July I got really sick and was in pain but my own urologist couldn't get me an appt for a week and a half (I have to pause here and say I feel very old just saying I have my own urologist...don't you think of that as something your Mom would say to your Grandmother..."Mom...don't forget, you have your urologist appt today")..anyway, I went to an urgent care center and lo and behold, I got the newbie doctor! We all know I have this kind of luck so it shouldn't be a shock. He had no problem telling me he had just graduated 2 months prior as a physicians assistant...yeah that made me feel warm and fuzzy. He was a good boy and sent me for a cat scan. I really almost laughed in the phone when I called to get the results. He was just being handed the report when he was on the phone with me and his excitement was like a little kid who has heard about Santa, has read books about Santa, but is seeing Santa for the first time...."Let's see.....oh wow, there is one...right there in your left kidney! Wow, it's 5mm! That's a good size one.....and I'm not kidding when I tell you he said, "I'm glad I gave you that prescription for pain meds b/c you're going to need it!". What do you say to that? It was beautiful..

Anyway, after dealing with that and finally getting to see my doctor, it was determined I also had a 9mm one in the right kidney so last week I went in and they pounded it with shock waves...but again, we all know my luck...it didn't work like it was supposed to and break it up into itty bitty pieces so now I have these larger stones I'm having to pass. The latest one woke me at 2am today with pain and continued until I passed it around 730am. Literally you could hear the stone "clink" into the toilet when I peed it out. So now I go for another cat scan b/c let's see it's been over a month now and I'm getting really cranky!

So that's my long story of why I've been a slacker lately! But don't worry, I have some good topics in mind....stay tuned!